


Even Nightmares Have Their Upsides

by Its_A_Fandom_Thing09



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Adult Losers Club (IT), Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Eddie Kaspbrak Has Nightmares, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Fix-It, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Gay Sex, M/M, Mentioned Pennywise (IT), Nobody is Dead, Post-Pennywise (IT), Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, cause that's me emotionally fulfilling myself, dead bitch baby pennywise, for fun, just a tiny bit of Angst, pennywise is dead, sorry - Freeform, the losers are kinda background, this is actually very happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:42:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25219465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Its_A_Fandom_Thing09/pseuds/Its_A_Fandom_Thing09
Summary: A lot changed after the clown. Not only in Eddie’s life but in Eddie himself. That’s inevitable though, he figures. You can’t exactlynotchange after suddenly remembering your incredibly terrifying and traumatic childhood and then re-living it with a couple of new scarring events thrown in just for fun.
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 2
Kudos: 57





	Even Nightmares Have Their Upsides

A lot changed after the clown. Not only in Eddie’s life but in Eddie himself. That’s inevitable though, he figures. You can’t exactly not change after suddenly remembering your incredibly terrifying and traumatic childhood and then re-living it with a couple of new scarring events thrown in just for fun. 

Sure, change had started out being bad, but after killing an interdimensional clown, it had started being a good thing in Eddie’s life. He finally started to get his priorities in order. First things first, he’d divorced his wife. Which was a good thing, no matter how many panic attacks he’d gotten while packing up his boxes. 

He’d convinced Myra to stay with her sister for a bit, which honestly didn’t take much convincing. He just knew if she’d been around while he was trying to move out it wouldn’t happen. Something would’ve stopped him. Her anger would’ve turned to crying and pleading, and if that didn't get to him, he would’ve convinced himself that he would be happier with her than alone. He would be ‘safer’ with her cause she ‘understood’ him, whatever that meant. When he got back from Derry he’d forced himself to write down all the reasons they didn’t work on a sticky note he kept in his personal journal ( _not_ diary) that she got him for Christmas years ago. 

1\. She treats me like glass  
2\. She’s _literally my mother_  
3\. I don’t need many of the prescriptions she’s going to keep me on  
4\. I’m not going to stay married _to my mom_  
5\. I’m GAY

He’d stared at number five for a few seconds before taking a red pen and underlining it a couple of times. It was the first time he’d written it down. Hadn’t even said it out loud yet, but just writing it down felt like something had broken open inside him. A dam he’d built around his heart was starting to crack, just a bit. He’d laid his head down on his desk and let himself cry that night.

It really did get better though. After firmly sitting Myra down and telling her that yes, they were getting a divorce, and no he shouldn’t have to explain it, they both knew this relationship didn't work, he’d started making plans.

He’d planned on staying in New York at first. Find a nice apartment he could rent, maybe overlooking central park. But then he’d decided to text the new Losers group chat that he’s moving out soon and ‘it's all happening’ and almost immediately got a call from Richie. By the end of it, he was looking at places in LA. He’s still not really sure how the conversation went, he just knows that Richie asked him where he was thinking of going and he’d answered: “I really don’t know Rich, I just gotta get out of here.” 

Richie had then spent the next 20 minutes listing everything great about LA, and how it was cheaper than New York, and how “all the rest of the Losers are able to travel here pretty easy, Eds, you’re the one fucking the reunions up.” And yes, he knows that Los Angeles is 31% more expensive in transportation, and 16% more expensive in personal care, and 1% more expensive for recreation, but he’s spent long enough doing good work with little to no breaks and no social life that money’s not really a factor right now. 

He’s still not 100% sure why he agreed to it. He tells himself that it's probably some manic need to see the job through. That, since he’s upheaving his whole life, he might as well do it thoroughly. But he also has to tell himself it wasn’t because of the way Richie had gotten all excited when he’d agreed—voice loud and throaty as he’d celebrated through the phone—one too many times for that to be true. 

Living in LA ends up being great, he’s doing most of his work from his new home, so he had the free time and flexibility to do whatever he wants. He finds a new gym, takes his time unpacking and finding the right furniture for each room. With a little push from the rest of the Losers, he even gets an actual allergy test and starts eating nuts. 

Richie ended up being right saying that Eddie was the only one holding up the reunion. Ben and Bev eventually get married in a beautiful but surprisingly small wedding. The rest of the Losers sit in the third row and laugh when Ben starts crying as Beverly walks down the aisle. By the end of the ceremony, they’re all tearing up a bit though. Richie is sobbing, which Eddie manages to be annoyed about since he somehow still looks great, which is incredibly unfair. 

After the honeymoon, the newlyweds split their time between Ben’s house in LA and his other, more rural one. Eddie can’t seem to remember where exactly it is because he was glaring at Richie for blowing bubbles in his drink when Ben told them, but it really isn’t that important. 

He manages to see Beverly at least once almost every other week. Ben tags along with her most of the time. He finds that he can’t bring himself to hate their constant giggles and hand-holding and PDA. Okay, he could do without the ‘turning him into a third wheel,’ but he’s surprisingly less jealous than he thought he’d be. Maybe it's because he’s genuinely happy divorced, or because Richie also joins their lunch dates sometimes, taking up most of Eddie’s attention for the few hours they spend together. 

He really does have to get the Richie situation under control. 

He figures that if change number one was leaving his wife, change number two was moving across the country to be closer to all of his friends—not just one specific one because that would be _literally insane_ —then change number 3 would be coming out. 

It seems logical. It would be healthy for his psyche, and there’s the small added bonus of finally knowing once and for all that Richie was in no way attracted to him, gay, straight or whatever. 

Change number 3 was a fucking bitch to do. 

The first time he actually said it was to a stranger, a nice woman who he’d seen at his favorite coffee shop often. They’d started greeting each other after she almost spilled her drink on Eddie and then freaked out and almost broke out into tears during her apology. Eddie liked her. She seemed like a kindred spirit.

They’d had a few short, friendly conversations after that. He only realized she was hitting on him only after she asked for his number, which was stupid of him. What was even dumber was the way he felt himself blush as he stammered out “O-oh, I’m a homosexual,” and then outwardly winced and inwardly cursed himself. 

She had taken it in stride, smiling at him, apologizing, and then just walking out of the coffee shop. It hadn’t even hit him until that night; when he’d promptly thrown up into his toilet (disgusting). 

He’d come out to Beverly next, crying like a child as she smiled and held his hand and maybe cried a little too, but he’s not supposed to tell anyone that. 

It had gotten easier. He ended up texting it to Stan and Bill since it came up in conversation. He told Mike when he came to LA to visit everyone after a long road trip across the country. Mike had hugged him and told him that he was proud. That he loved him, all of him, and nothing Eddie could say would change that. Eddie knew that, of course, each coming out reinforcing it. But it was really nice to hear it out loud. Mike had then asked how Richie took it, and then asked him to get a video when Eddie admitted he hadn’t told him yet. 

In the end, he couldn’t bring himself to tell Richie. He was going to, he really was. Rip it off like a band-aid. Find a good time when they were alone and just blurt it out. There was just, no good time. He hadn’t exactly given up, per sea, but his nerves did end up getting the better of him. He figured it would just… happen eventually. In the end, he didn’t really technically need to come out to Richie. His nightmares took care of it for him.

The nightmares were a change that came after Derry, but he really didn’t see any upside to them. He’d had them all his life, he figured, but they’d been blurry. Vague shapes and screams and just the overwhelming feeling of filth on his skin. Every time he’d woken up and reached for an inhaler he no longer had. 

After Derry, the dreams changed. Got more frequent, more vivid. Sometimes they were just Pennywise’s voice, sometimes he was running from the leper again. Sometimes he was back underground with the losers. There was one recurring one, right after he’d gotten Richie out of the deadlights. Instead of taking Eddie’s hand and booking it, dragging him to a corner of the cave, Richie had just stared up at him. He never felt the pain, but he saw the blood spray onto Richie’s face before he’d woken up. 

He knew exactly what was going to happen every time he had the dream. He’d throw the stupid fucking spear at Pennywise, run to Richie, and die. No matter how hard he screamed at dream Richie to hold him, grab his hand, get him away like real Richie had, dream Eddie never uttered a word of it. Every time dream Eddie got impaled. Every time dream Richie’s face crumpled in horror. And every time Eddie woke up. 

And then the dream changed. 

It started the same, Eddie knew it well enough. He felt himself fling the spear. He saw Richie fall. His body ran over to him, grinning excitedly. But then Richie was moving. It wasn’t like all his other dreams, but it wasn’t like real life either. Richie wasn’t grabbing his wrist, or getting up to run. He was moving towards Eddie, grabbing his arm and pulling them together. His face was getting closer, and suddenly Eddie had control over his dream body. He was able to bring his hands up to Richie’s chest, clinging onto his shirt. And his brain caught up and realized what Richie was going to do, he was leaning in to kiss Eddie. He was wrapping his arms around Eddie’s waist so he could kiss him. 

And then he felt the pain. Blooming from his abdomen, spreading across his chest. He gasped, forcing himself to look up at Richie’s face. So he could see it one last time. But there was something else wrong. Sure, he was used to the look of fear on Richie’s face, and it was there, clear as day. But there was also blood coming from his mouth. It wasn’t supposed to be there. It was always a splatter of Eddie’s blood, his brand on Richie. Not sick droplets oozing from his mouth. With a sick feeling, he realized it wasn’t his blood. A glance down confirmed his suspicion. Richie was too close. He’d try to kiss Eddie and he’d gotten too close. The claw had gotten both of them. 

He watched as Richie fell back, the pain spreading through his body making it impossible for him to grab onto Richie. He tried to cry out, but his voice didn’t work again. He could only watch as Richie’s blood pooled around him. He was usually awake by now. He should’ve woken up as soon as he got hit. It was all wrong and he wasn’t waking up-

He’s sitting up before his eyes even open. Clamoring for his phone in the dark. It felt so real, so tangible. Before he could really think anything through he’s waiting for Richie to pick up, tears streaming down his cheeks. He doesn’t breathe until he hears Richie’s scratchy voice through the phone.

“This better be a booty-call, man, do you know what time-”

“Rich?” He chokes on a sob and suddenly hears blankets rustling through the phone. 

“Eddie, what’s happening, you okay?” The sleep is gone from Richie’s voice, replaced by worry. He takes a second to breathe before he answers.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m sorry, I just had a nightmare and-“ 

“I’ll be right over Eds, gimme 15 minutes,” He can hear Richie fumbling for his glasses before the line goes dead. He somehow starts sobbing even harder.

And then he’s freaking out for a totally different reason. For some reason, his Richie-centric homoerotic demon nightmare has ended with Richie coming over. He’s usually really good at being prepared to be around Richie, mentally steeling himself to not make the heart eyes too obvious. Right now, he’s an emotional wreck, not to mention in his _bed_ and in _boxers_ and _fuck_.

Before Eddie can lose total control of his anxiety, Richie’s pulling up to the house and letting himself in. He can hear Richie rushing to take off his shoes in the hallway like Eddie always yells at him to do, but he’s too wrapped up in trying to get control of his breathing to care. 

He’s pulled out of his spiraling thoughts by the bed creaking, dipping under Richie’s weight. He looks up, trying and failing to take Richie in. 

“Hey, Eds,” Richie’s voice is soft, as if Eddie is a spooked animal. His body tenses as a lick of flame starts in his chest.

“Fuck off, don’t talk to me like that,” he snarls. Richie lets out a chuckle under his breath. Eddie sees red.

“What the fuck is funny right now, asshole? I’m having a panic attack cause I saw the fucking clown kill you and you’re laughing? Seriously?” He snaps, reaching out to shove Richie away from him. He freezes as Richie grabs one of his hands and brings it to his chest, pulling Eddie closer to him. God this is bad.

“Woah, hey, nothing's funny Spaghetti. I just stupidly thought you needed me, but obviously not since the first thing you do is cuss me out.” He’s smirking, but his thumb is running over the back of Eddie’s hand and his eyes are soft. Somehow this is worse than his panic attack. 

“I can do both at the same time, dickhead, I have fucking dimensions,” Even though his Richie-centered brain is on high alert he feels calmer now. He still manages to glare at Richie’s stupid fucking face without glancing at his lips. 

Richie lets out a hum and nods sagely, “I know dude. You have layers, like an union.” 

Fucking hell. 

“What?” 

“Shrek. It’s a Shrek reference,” Richie’s face breaks into a grin. Eddie wants to murder him. 

“Are you kidding me?” 

“Have you not seen Shrek, it’s an iconic line,” 

“No I haven’t seen Shrek-“

“Seriously?”

“Yes, seriously, why in the world would I watch Shrek?”

“It's a masterpiece, not to mention a cultural staple. If I didn't know better Eds-“ 

“Oh, just shut up asshole,” Eddie rolls his eyes as Richie’s grin gets wider. Like he knows Eddie loves this, that he wouldn’t even give bickering with Richie up for anything in the world. 

And then Richie’s eyes get softer, and Eddie’s breath is almost back to normal, so he’s confused and in love and very aware that he’s at risk of popping a boner.

“Do you wanna talk about the nightmare?” Richie asks in a soft voice, just for Eddie to hear, and his heart melts. He ducks his head and takes a deep breath, trying to get himself under control.

“No, no. It’s okay. I just, it’s good to know you’re okay. That you’re like, here,” He reaches out and grabs Richie’s arm, hoping that Richie can’t see him blushing right now. “Tangible.”

“Of course, yeah, I get it,” They stare at each other, and he really does get it doesn’t he? He was right there with Eddie the whole time. He was the one who took action, who dragged Eddie with him. He wasn’t unaware, like Eddie had been, or stuck, like dream Eddie. He was strong and brave and there.

Eddie surges forward and kisses him. 

Just for a second, and then he snaps back to reality and pulls back just as quickly as he leaned in. Richie lets out a sharp breath. He’s staring at Eddie, jaw hinged open, and Eddie suddenly realizes exactly how much he fucked up. He feels the panic start to bubble up into his throat again as he pushes on Richie’s chest, just trying to get farther away.

“I’m so sorry I don't know what I was thinki-“

And then Richie’s lips are on his. 

It takes him a second to respond, but then his hand is traveling up to Richie’s broad shoulders and Richie’s big hand wraps around his waist. He feels his back hit the bed before he registers that Richie’s pushing him down and fuck. He was a string-bean as a kid but now he’s big and broad and the way his body covers Eddie makes him melt. 

He gasps when Richie’s fingers dig into his skin, and Richie takes the opportunity to suck on his bottom lip, making him squirm. He’s brought back to earth by the panic that had been eating away at Eddie all night bubbling up again.

“Wait, I like you,” he gasped into Richie’s mouth. His breath ghosted Eddie’s face as he chuckled.

“Woah, no way. You mean it Spaghetti?” Eddie frowned and tore his eyes away from Richie’s mouth. 

“No, like, I really like you Rich,”

“Yeah, me too,” Richie smirked and leaned in to kiss him again, paused when Eddie’s hand shot up to his chest. 

“So you didn't kiss me to stop me from freaking out?”

“No, Eds, who does that?” He scoffs. Eddie just shrugs sheepishly, searching Richie’s face for any sign that he’s lying. His eyes soften and he leans in to kiss Eddie’s cheek. “Come on sweetheart, you think too much. Just lemme take care of you.” 

Eddie quietly nods, bringing his hand away from Richie’s chest as the man starts to mouth along his jaw. His hand snakes down to Eddie’s thigh, making him gasp and arch into Richie’s touch as he licks and sucks marks onto his neck.

It never felt like this with Myra. With her, it was something to do to pass the time. He could get addicted to this, though. To having Richie’s mouth on him. Having Richie’s fingers gripping his hips. Myra might have taken care of him, kept him on a schedule, and watched him every moment of his life, but Richie had been what he really needed all along. Richie knew how to take him apart.

He whines, hands scrambling to push Richie’s shirt up and the man chuckles, giving Eddie another peck on the mouth before pulling back to pull his shirt over his head and wow. 

Eddie’s fit, always has been. He started going to the gym in college, kept on a strict regimen so he could stay in shape. Richie obviously would never do that, but there was something so undeniably sexy about his body. He’d lost everything thin about him from childhood. He’s solid, that’s the only way to describe it. His glasses now fit on his face, his jawline sharpened, his shoulders are wide and his arms are strong and Eddie’s fucked. Hopefully Literally. 

“Rich?”

“Yeah?” 

“Can I ride you?” Richie grunts in surprise and snaps his hips forward, grinding his erection into Eddie’s thigh. 

“Holy fu-, yeah, yeah of course. Where do you uh… do you have lube,” 

Eddie grins and nods, wiggling out from under Richie to grab it from his bedside table. It takes him a second to open the unused bottle and condoms, and he thanks past Eddie for the foresight of buying these. 

Richie’s putting lube on his fingers as Eddie shimmies out of his boxers. They quickly get situated again, sharing a quick kiss before Richie starts to lightly run his fingers around the edge of Eddie’s hole. 

“Have you done this before?” Richie asks.

“Uh, yeah. In my twenties, yeah.” A lick of jealousy flashes over Richie’s face and Eddie chuckles and kisses it away. He doesn’t want to say it yet, but it’s always been Richie. Even when he didn’t know who Richie was. Didn’t remember the silly glasses or slanted smile, that’s what he chased. He hadn’t gotten with a ton of guys, but when he did they were always the class clown. The ones who had the biggest presence in the room. The ones who got as close to Richie as possible. 

He wouldn’t’ve touched anyone if he knew he could have this, though. Can’t even think to remember any of the other guys' names. And why would he when he has Richie on top of him, his thick warm fingers slipping inside Eddie. 

Richie takes his time opening Eddie up. Kissing Eddie’s temple and jaw and neck and collarbone as Eddie gets lost in the feeling of being stretched open. He whispers how good Eddie is for him, how pretty he looks, how long he’s been thinking about this. 

Eddie could come apart like this, he doesn’t even need Richie’s dick inside him. He just needs to be surrounded by Richie, Richie, _Richie_. And then Richie gets three fingers deep inside him and curls them just right and Eddie lets out the lewdest, most undignified moan he’s ever heard. 

He feels his face flush as Richie chuckles, curling his fingers again, and Eddie’s surprised he doesn’t cum on the spot. 

“Richie, fuck, _Richie please_ ,”

“Please what Eds? Use your words.”

“Stop, please. I’m close, Rich. Wanna cum on your dick.”

Eddie immediately regrets asking Richie to stop as his fingers pull out. But then Richie’s hands are wrapping around his waist and he’s flipping them over so Eddie can straddle him and Eddie can work with this. This is going somewhere. 

“You think you can get it inside you baby?” Richie smirks, and suddenly Eddie realizes he hasn’t actually gotten a good look at Richie’s dick. He’s able to now, as Richie easily slides the condom on. It's… big. It’s actually big. He hates that it’s big. Not because it's a turn off (it’s _definitely_ not a turn off), but because it means Richie’s been bragging all these years. It’s fucking infuriating. 

“I… I don’t know.” He mumbles. But damn if he isn’t going to try. 

He crawls back into Richie’s lap, mashing their lips together as he feels the tip brush against his ass. Fuck, he needs that in him now. 

He breaks their kiss so he can reach behind himself, blindly wrapping his hand around Richie’s cock, and slowly easing himself onto it. 

It takes them a while to fit it inside Eddie. A couple pauses, a ton of deep breathing and getting his muscles to relax. Richie’s visibly sweating, trying to keep himself together. Eddie whines with every new inch that slides into him. He loves it. 

Then Richie’s seated all the way inside Eddie. They’re both panting, foreheads pressed together and god Eddie never wants to do anything else ever again ever. He really doesn’t think there’s anything better than this. 

“Baby, move,” Richie says, hands gripping a little tighter, and _oh, yeah, right_. 

Eddie slowly starts to grind his hips forward and back, getting used to the feeling of being filled to the brim. Then, after a second, he lifts himself up and drops and it’s better. 

He whines, not even thinking to muffle the sound with his hand, and lifts himself up again, higher this time, before starting to bounce on Richie’s dick in earnest. 

He gets lost in the feeling. At some point he braces his hands on Richie’s shoulders, but he’s just focused on getting Richie deeper and deeper inside him. Little moans and ah’s are falling from his mouth, and all he can think about is how delicious Richie feels and how much he loves him and how badly he needed this. 

Then Richie snaps, flipping them over again before starting up his own pace. He presses Eddie into the bed and snaps his hips faster and faster until all Eddie can do is wail and wind his arms around Richie’s back. He’s just surrounded by Richie, fucked by him, filled by him. All Eddie can smell is Richie’s musky scent. Richie leans down and mouths over the crook of Eddie’s neck, murmuring a quiet ‘I love you’ into Eddie’s ear. It's all Eddie needs before he squeezes his eyes shut and his orgasm rips through him. 

By the time he comes down enough to register what’s happening around him, Richie’s letting out a deep grunt and spilling into the condom, thrusts slowing down. They both stay there for a minute, panting before Richie slowly pulls out and rolls off Eddie. Eddie watches as he carefully ties the condom and throws it away before returning to the bed and wrapping Eddie in his arms. 

“We’re going to take a shower in a minute aren’t we,” He says, with a satisfied lilt to his voice. 

“Yes, definitely,” Eddie confirms. He smiles to himself and gives Richie a soft kiss on his cheek.

“I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> My Tumblr is tinigaiboi come check it out and help me figure out what to work on next. 
> 
> I really enjoyed writing it until I read over it and realized three words are Eminem lyrics and I cannot see it the same way now so.  
> whoops.
> 
> tbh im posting this at 6am i am very tired so pls help me out and let, lmk if you see a mistake and ill fix it.
> 
> cool thanks bye, hope you enjoyed.


End file.
